Will you blow on my dice?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
