And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
