non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
