My sheets look like a crime scene.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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