I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
