He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
