Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
