Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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