My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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