What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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