Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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