At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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