i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
