your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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