we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
