so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
