She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
