Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
