I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
