Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
