Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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