No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
