i used baking grease as lip gloss
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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