ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
