So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
