You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
