If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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