I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
