Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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