My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
