I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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