I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
