I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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