I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
