You can't special order awesome
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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