I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
