dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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