I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
