So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize