The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
