if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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