I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
