i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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