So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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