Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
