If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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