Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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