i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
