Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
