Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
