My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sponge bath it is.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
