Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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