don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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