The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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