Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
