That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
