yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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