Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
