Do you still have your period?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wanna go halves on a baby?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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