My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
