this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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