you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
