He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
