Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
