I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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