Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
