Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
