My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
