just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
