the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
