Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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