My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish you could order shots online.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
