:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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