saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
