You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
