Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
