i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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