but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
