Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
