he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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